Should You Be Friends With Your Ex?

Should you still be friends with your ex after the breakup? Or does it have to be all or nothing? Although the optimists among us like to think that it's possible to retain a friendship with their ex, the realists just like myself know that this is just not going to happen. There will always be some issues that will cause former lovers to act in strange ways. It's human nature to be resentful when your ex finds a new person to cuddle up to, even if your feelings have somewhat faded out, the thought of someone else taking your place in the memories that you and your ex once shared can sometimes be painful to fathom. So having that person lingering in your life serves as a constant reminder and makes it even harder for you to move on with your life and turn a fresh page.

You know what I honestly think? That there will always be conflicts in the friendship that may arise if you choose to still be buddies coz you were once more than friends at some point in your lives. And you will always feel uncomfortable when there is a new romance for one or both of you, not only that, a too close friendship with an ex will likely cause problems in your next relationship. How do you expect your new one to react to your friendship? Do you expect him/her to join the two of you on your little friendly hangouts? Or that he/she would sneer in your direction and keep your friend as far away from you as possible?  Odds are, that your next one will not be your biggest fan. Awesome right? Sure it is!

So to keep your life moving in a healthy direction, you need to determine exactly where an ex fits into your life, or he/she will continue to affect you and your future relationships. In my opinion, when a relationship ends, there should only be two choices. Either you choose to forget your ex and move on with your life, or you make a strong attempt to win that person back. Sure, it can be tempting to stay close to the person whose life was so intertwined with yours, but jumping into a friendship with an ex muddles those often very confusing emotions, so it would be best to forget that person and move on to the next chapter of your life. I know it's easier said than done, I certainly do, but I also know for sure that eventually you'll move on and find that person who's truly meant for you. On the other hand, if you're interested in giving your relationship another shot, you should then try and take that chance. Since you don't feel like totally letting go, chances are, you still have feelings for your ex. You may say you're over him/her, but at the back of your mind, it's always nice to think he/she will come to his/her senses and realize you shouldn't have parted ways. Do you see where I'm driving at? Good!

The faster you accept this as a truth, the better off you will be. Coz even with the best of intentions, it’s tough to become buddies after a breakup. After all, how can you move on from someone who you still make such a huge part of your everyday life? So, should you be friends with your ex? Well, only you can decide..

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Dominant By Day, Submissive By Night

Women are expected to be soft and gentle. There used to be this lingering stigma from generations of the not so recent past that expected women to be downright timid. But times have certainly changed, women nowadays have come a long way in the world. A lot of them are now taking up leads in many businesses and making their presence felt in corporate world. She might or might not be in a position of authority at work, but has a personality and a level of competence. She knows now what she wants in life just like men, and will do the best that she can in order to achieve it. She doesn’t have to take a back seat any longer.

But then, though women nowadays are more aggressive and assertive than ever before in most aspects of life, men generally remain the dominant ones in relationships and sexual aspects. After all, many women, just like myself, are still wary of making the first move, and expect men to have the initiative. Furthermore, many women expect men to make the plans. And we all know to whom the burden to initiate sex falls most of the time.

Ironically, a woman who is strong, confident, and assertive in her life and her dealings with people in general still wants a dominant man in her life. Sure, that's her persona during the day, but majority of women shift roles when it comes to their emotional and sexual lives. I’m sure it’s different for everyone though, so I can only speak for myself. But undeniably, most of the fierce and passionate career women love nothing more, than to come home and be under control by a strong and masculine man. Someone who will easily take her lead anywhere she wants to go, be it in the relationship or in the bedroom. However, this doesn't mean that men are just domineering Casanovas and women are all simply doormats who want to be controlled, beyond any doubt, this is an ignorant view of the two powerful forces in our world that should ideally offer us balance, but instead seem to have been misinterpreted and thrown completely out of whack.

You might probably be wondering why do these strong women want to be submissive in the bedroom and the relationship? There are many subtle answers but most of it comes right down to natural wiring. Feeling safe and secure in a relationship is a critical element for all women. You bet it is! Another reason that more typically dominant women may enjoy being sexually dominated is that they enjoy a private scenario wherein they can relinquish some of their control. For someone who has to be constantly in control in order to keep her family and job together, her public nature can be quite tiresome. So it would be nice to give up responsibility for a change in an arena that is presumably intimate and private. Anyway, those are based from my own point of view.

Women were never intended to be doormats, and those that choose to develop a submissive spirit toward a loving partner don't feel used at all. It does not mean being weak, helpless, or inferior, but quite the opposite. It means using your unique gifts, talent, and strengths to help your significant other be the best man he can be.

So the bottom line is, you can never know for certain and generalize anything. We all deserve to have our opinions heard, deserve to be given respect, and deserve to know the exact ways to avoid all the pitfalls along the way. It is true, that women have been raised to have a passive nature, but it doesn't have to be like that any longer. So if you're a woman, you should then take the time to stand up for yourself and your beliefs – coz if you don't, then no one else will. Quit being everyone’s doormat and take a step in the right direction, right now!

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The Other Woman

I am by no means advocating being an other woman nor am I intending to encourage any girl to go down that path. My only intention is for any girl who are contemplating on being the other woman or are in the throws of it all, to realize what I'm about to point out. Quite recently, a colleague of mine have admitted to being the other woman. She's young and seems to be an educated woman, but I don’t know what that guy told her to keep her hanging on in there for all those months or years probably, it must have been good.

For most of us, the idea of borrowing or stealing another woman's man is unacceptable. Therefore, it's extremely important that you ask yourself why you would want to get involved with a committed man in the first place. There are tons of single and eligible men out there for you to get to know, and if you didn't know he was committed at first, then perhaps you should ask yourself if you would want to continue to get involved with a man who has lied to you about his status to begin with. But despite those, a lot of women are still drawn into this whirlwind of love, sex and deceit. And in due time, most of them end up with nothing while taking a heavy personal toll. Any woman can have her reasons for jumping into this kind of relationship but none of them excuse it, none of them make it right.

But let's not forget that "it takes two to tango", so why blame the other woman alone? Is she the only one at fault? Definitely not! After all, in most cases, she's not the one who's stepping out on an existing relationship. Generally, she's just in love with the man who happens to be attached to someone else. But then again, we must also remember that "one sin do not outweigh the other". So if you’re the other woman, don't feel you're less responsible for these actions, you're just as guilty! It’s unacceptable no matter how you look at or try to sugar coat it to make yourself feel better. Don’t try to justify your actions, correct them and remember that "what goes around, comes around". 

Needless to say, any man who is serious will close one door before opening another. So why will you give up what you believe for a guy who has made no commitment to you to begin with? Don't you want to be in a real loving relationship where you can fall asleep in the arms of the man that you love and wake up to him every morning? You know what I honestly think? That you will never ever find this man while you continue to be the other woman. Don’t give up your dignity for a little bit of intimacy. Don’t give up being alone and end up being lonely. You are worth more than this, Girl, that I am so certain of!

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Jealousy - Sign of Love Or Insecurity?

Are you tormented when your partner looks at someone else? Does your imagination torture you with romantic scenarios that don't include you? Do you have a fear of yourself being always inadequate? Is your self-esteem a little lower than you thought? Most of us have probably felt it at one time or another in our lives. We feel jealous for many different reasons, and to many different levels, some of which could be dangerous.

Answering whether jealousy is a sign of love or insecurity is pretty hard. Valid arguments could be put forward for both possibilities equally well. It can be both or neither, there is no one universal answer. As for me, if it's unfounded, then it's a sign of insecurity, otherwise, it could be a sign of love. But that is not to say that one is justified in being jealous all the time. No! Absolutely not!

Seriously, in my belief, jealousy can be one of the signs that someone cares about you. Let me put it this way, when your partner doesn't give a damn on what you do or who you go with, and you mistake that for trust or security, then I suppose you're getting it totally wrong. Trust me, when someone freely gives you trust that you've not earned, or acts all secure about who you hang out with or what you do, it could either be that, he/she doesn't love you enough, or he/she is up to his/her own dirt elsewhere. I believe that, you can't be completely devoted to someone without expressing some apprehension most especially when your partner gets too close to the opposite gender.

Indeed, a little dose of jealousy could be essential for a loving relationship to help keep the bond intact and for one not to feel taken for granted. But just like drugs, which can be very poisonous if taken excessively, so can jealousy. We only need a bit of jealousy to remind ourselves that having someone's loyalty is a privilege and not a requirement. And it is imperative to deal with jealousy before it turns into monster that can ruin everything of value in our lives.

Trust is the essence of any relationship. If trust is not present, the relationship will be doomed, and where there is too much jealousy, there is no trust, only suspicion and repression. Jealousy is a normal human emotion to feel, but it tends to get out of control if we fail to tame it. Overcoming jealousy is indeed easier said than done! In order to tame it and control it however, you will first have to learn where your jealousy is coming from. Once you have realized where it is coming from and what's causing it, you can then concentrate on toning it down and hopefully getting rid of it

So to conclude this, jealousy can be an important part of a romantic relationship as long as it stays healthy and doesn't involve any physical or verbal abuse. So think before you accuse and live life by treating others the way you would want to be treated.

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Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater?

At some point in our lives and relationships, most of us have been cheated on or done some cheating. I have been through and heard enough to know that both men and women can be cheaters. Why do people cheat? Some will most likely try to blame their infidelity on the relationship, the circumstances surrounding the affair, the person they cheated with or even the person they cheated on. They rarely blame themselves.  Isn't it true?

Now the question is, can a cheater ever be trusted? Or once a cheater, always a cheater? Well, I honestly find it difficult to give a fair assessment without allowing my feelings to get in the way. As for me, I don't  really want to stereotype those who cheated once into a box which condemns them to always continue in this behavior. Just because someone is unfaithful in one relationship, doesn't mean they will behave like that in every relationship. I am, however, saying that one would have to look at the underlying circumstances before trusting the same person again.

Being cheated on by a person you trust and love is one of the most devastating things that can happen to anyone. It leaves lifelong scars, and ruins trust in a relationship. The trauma caused by the betrayal is usually so intense that the healing process is slow and complex. When you go through something like this, you tend to always have your guard up and have a hard time giving people a chance, even when you should. Whether you want it to or not, you let your emotions get in the way of everything. However, it is wrong to believe that what has happened to you in one relationship is going to occur in another.

As the old cliches goes, nothing in this world is constant, cheaters are no different. People change and try to become better, but whether or not a cheater can change is completely up to the individual. You'll never know when or how your partner will go astray, you can only have faith that you made the right decision to be with this person, and make the most of it. We all have the ability to make our lives better or get stuck dwindling in despair. Naturally, we all want what's best for our relationships, but when we opt not to, we well know that it sets a stage for us to be lifeless, bringing nothing but heartaches and pain.

It is ultimately natural to desire the best or at least something better than what we already have, may it be a better home, a better career or a better partner. Odds are if you are unhappy with your current relationship, then your partner is probably feeling the same way. If you have exhausted all your efforts to make your relationship work and nothing has changed, then you should really think about ending your time together. But most of the time, we resort to cheating rather than ending the relationship. Creating lie upon lie will only hurt everyone involved. So take a closer look at your relationship before seeking happiness with another person. As I have said in my previous article, you are only stuck if you choose to be. Speaking for myself, nothing can ever justify cheating and there will never ever be a good reason to cheat, there are only good reasons to break off a relationship. The thing is that, despite cheating is almost unavoidable, you can still keep off most of the temptations if you play a wise game.

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Finding Your Soulmate - Should You Wait Or Start Looking?

Are you stuck in a love rut? Are you having a tough time finding the right one? Are you tired of kissing too many frogs and are ready for one exceptional man or woman to finally come into your life? Have you ever met someone or been in a relationship with someone you thought was your soulmate, only to find out that you were wrong? Are you pondering questions like: "How long do I have to wait?" or "Do I need to start making a move?". Does it seem to you that all the good men and women are taken? If you are nodding your head now, I know exactly what it feels like, because just like you, I have been in this situation.

Sometimes we just coast along hoping for that special someone to just come along. But you know what, if you are waiting and hoping for magic, if you are a big fan of the send it to the universe, and if you keep waiting for that someone to knock on your door, then I feel that you are in for a big disappointment. While it is healthy to believe in fate, it is also practical to be proactive in finding your soulmate and creating your own destiny.  Yes, eventually, you will find the person you have always wanted as a part of your life, but not without effort on your part.

Sure, we all yearn and dream about meeting the one that we are meant to be with forever. Sometimes finding your match can be just like a dream. But why not start dating? The journey of finding your match begins with dating. But while dating is a useful experience, it is not advisable to go out with anyone just to have fun and because you are sick and tired of being alone. When you go out on a date, it is extremely important that you seize this opportunity to see if that person carries the qualities you are looking for. When you realize that it wont lead to something you have been waiting and dreaming of, then obviously that person isn't your soulmate. Continuing to date that someone just because you don't want to hurt his/her feelings will only hold you back from meeting who you are really meant to be with. So do yourself a favor, it would be best to stop seeing each other to prevent any misleading expectations.

The pursuit for that soulmate is really a quest for wholeness, a completion of oneself. Others think that a soulmate is a piece of your soul that was placed within another person, which is why you spend your life looking for that other half. Finding that someone to whom we feel profoundly connected with is pretty tough. You may have met someone and are feeling affection for that person, now you're wondering if that person you are having those feelings about is your soulmate. So how do you know if that someone is your soulmate? Some say you recognize this someone with such an intense sense of intimacy, that the connection is divine, deep and very powerful. You would know you have found your soulmate when you see yourself looking back through his/her eyes.

Relax! I'm pretty sure you’ll meet your soulmate when the time is right for both of you. Don’t be discouraged just because your attempts have not worked in the past. In order to achieve a blissful happily ever after, it is essential to look inside you. Your soulmate is a reflection of your soul. We meet true love when we truly love ourselves. We meet people who understand us when we truly understand ourselves. The journey to your soulmate will start with the journey to your own soul. Sooner or later, your soulmate will come along, that I know for sure.

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