The Art Of Appreciation

What do you value more? Finding a partner who understands you or one who appreciates you? How would it feel to wake up in the morning and be told how much you are loved? I've certainly turned these questions over in my head quite a few times. Honestly, I've always been interested in finding someone who really gets me and if you'd ask me what I mean, I'd quickly say, someone who understands, who empathizes, you know.. But now that I think about it, I realized that what I want more than that is someone who simply appreciates certain ways I see the world, and respects certain choices I've made, even if he doesn't completely understand how my mind works. As a matter of fact, the guys with whom I've had the least in common or who didn't seem to entirely understand where I was coming from, did seem to treat me better and were more into me than the guys with whom I had a common ground.

I’ve met so many couples whose main relationship issue boils down to not feeling appreciated by their partner. It’s so easy to take each other for granted and to get caught up in a pattern of not expressing your appreciation of each other. When you do not show appreciation in relationships you risk the chance of running into trouble as appreciation is one of the best expressions of love and care. It is extremely important to show appreciation to your partner because as they say, you never know the value of what you have until you lose it. Sad to say, some people are often engrossed in what they hope to achieve, forgetting what they already have.

Now what can you do to really let your partner know how grateful you are for everything that they do? I guess the first step is to think about all the special things that your partner does for you, not only physical things like doing the household chores or making your favorite dinner. How about the way that he/she is sensitive to your feelings? Or makes an effort to be respectful to you in front of other people? It’s all the little and big things that count. Once you have all these things in mind, it will be a piece of cake for you to appreciate your partner and show them how much everything they do for you means to you. If you deliberately, proactively choose to focus on what you value about your partner as much and as often as you possibly can, you’ll find that the love in your life just grows and grows.

As you see, that’s the true meaning of appreciation. It’s not just another word for gratitude, a polite “thank you” after someone has done something nice for you, but appreciation as valuing. The thoughts you think, when you are appreciating someone or something, are thoughts about their worth, their value to you, what they mean to you, and why they matter.

What about in our everyday life? Would the same concept apply? You bet! Showing appreciation can be done in many ways. But the most important thing is simply recognizing how fortunate we all are. The fact is that, in this country, even our slums are better than the best of what many other countries in the world have to offer. So it's time to focus not on what we lack, but to fully appreciate what we already have. To give gratitude for our health, our family, our friends, our possessions, however large or small, right now. It's time to count our blessings instead of discounting them.

Appreciation is a cornerstone of love, one of its most important elements. Whether it is appreciating the beauty of the sun rising in the morning, acknowledging the joy of spending quality time with loved ones or the intimacy of making love to your partner, appreciation in general helps pave the way for a deep connection, intimacy, and honesty in our relationships.

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Should You Be Friends With Your Ex?

Should you still be friends with your ex after the breakup? Or does it have to be all or nothing? Although the optimists among us like to think that it's possible to retain a friendship with their ex, the realists just like myself know that this is just not going to happen. There will always be some issues that will cause former lovers to act in strange ways. It's human nature to be resentful when your ex finds a new person to cuddle up to, even if your feelings have somewhat faded out, the thought of someone else taking your place in the memories that you and your ex once shared can sometimes be painful to fathom. So having that person lingering in your life serves as a constant reminder and makes it even harder for you to move on with your life and turn a fresh page.

You know what I honestly think? That there will always be conflicts in the friendship that may arise if you choose to still be buddies coz you were once more than friends at some point in your lives. And you will always feel uncomfortable when there is a new romance for one or both of you, not only that, a too close friendship with an ex will likely cause problems in your next relationship. How do you expect your new one to react to your friendship? Do you expect him/her to join the two of you on your little friendly hangouts? Or that he/she would sneer in your direction and keep your friend as far away from you as possible?  Odds are, that your next one will not be your biggest fan. Awesome right? Sure it is!

So to keep your life moving in a healthy direction, you need to determine exactly where an ex fits into your life, or he/she will continue to affect you and your future relationships. In my opinion, when a relationship ends, there should only be two choices. Either you choose to forget your ex and move on with your life, or you make a strong attempt to win that person back. Sure, it can be tempting to stay close to the person whose life was so intertwined with yours, but jumping into a friendship with an ex muddles those often very confusing emotions, so it would be best to forget that person and move on to the next chapter of your life. I know it's easier said than done, I certainly do, but I also know for sure that eventually you'll move on and find that person who's truly meant for you. On the other hand, if you're interested in giving your relationship another shot, you should then try and take that chance. Since you don't feel like totally letting go, chances are, you still have feelings for your ex. You may say you're over him/her, but at the back of your mind, it's always nice to think he/she will come to his/her senses and realize you shouldn't have parted ways. Do you see where I'm driving at? Good!

The faster you accept this as a truth, the better off you will be. Coz even with the best of intentions, it’s tough to become buddies after a breakup. After all, how can you move on from someone who you still make such a huge part of your everyday life? So, should you be friends with your ex? Well, only you can decide..

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Dominant By Day, Submissive By Night

Women are expected to be soft and gentle. There used to be this lingering stigma from generations of the not so recent past that expected women to be downright timid. But times have certainly changed, women nowadays have come a long way in the world. A lot of them are now taking up leads in many businesses and making their presence felt in corporate world. She might or might not be in a position of authority at work, but has a personality and a level of competence. She knows now what she wants in life just like men, and will do the best that she can in order to achieve it. She doesn’t have to take a back seat any longer.

But then, though women nowadays are more aggressive and assertive than ever before in most aspects of life, men generally remain the dominant ones in relationships and sexual aspects. After all, many women, just like myself, are still wary of making the first move, and expect men to have the initiative. Furthermore, many women expect men to make the plans. And we all know to whom the burden to initiate sex falls most of the time.

Ironically, a woman who is strong, confident, and assertive in her life and her dealings with people in general still wants a dominant man in her life. Sure, that's her persona during the day, but majority of women shift roles when it comes to their emotional and sexual lives. I’m sure it’s different for everyone though, so I can only speak for myself. But undeniably, most of the fierce and passionate career women love nothing more, than to come home and be under control by a strong and masculine man. Someone who will easily take her lead anywhere she wants to go, be it in the relationship or in the bedroom. However, this doesn't mean that men are just domineering Casanovas and women are all simply doormats who want to be controlled, beyond any doubt, this is an ignorant view of the two powerful forces in our world that should ideally offer us balance, but instead seem to have been misinterpreted and thrown completely out of whack.

You might probably be wondering why do these strong women want to be submissive in the bedroom and the relationship? There are many subtle answers but most of it comes right down to natural wiring. Feeling safe and secure in a relationship is a critical element for all women. You bet it is! Another reason that more typically dominant women may enjoy being sexually dominated is that they enjoy a private scenario wherein they can relinquish some of their control. For someone who has to be constantly in control in order to keep her family and job together, her public nature can be quite tiresome. So it would be nice to give up responsibility for a change in an arena that is presumably intimate and private. Anyway, those are based from my own point of view.

Women were never intended to be doormats, and those that choose to develop a submissive spirit toward a loving partner don't feel used at all. It does not mean being weak, helpless, or inferior, but quite the opposite. It means using your unique gifts, talent, and strengths to help your significant other be the best man he can be.

So the bottom line is, you can never know for certain and generalize anything. We all deserve to have our opinions heard, deserve to be given respect, and deserve to know the exact ways to avoid all the pitfalls along the way. It is true, that women have been raised to have a passive nature, but it doesn't have to be like that any longer. So if you're a woman, you should then take the time to stand up for yourself and your beliefs – coz if you don't, then no one else will. Quit being everyone’s doormat and take a step in the right direction, right now!

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The Other Woman

I am by no means advocating being an other woman nor am I intending to encourage any girl to go down that path. My only intention is for any girl who are contemplating on being the other woman or are in the throws of it all, to realize what I'm about to point out. Quite recently, a colleague of mine have admitted to being the other woman. She's young and seems to be an educated woman, but I don’t know what that guy told her to keep her hanging on in there for all those months or years probably, it must have been good.

For most of us, the idea of borrowing or stealing another woman's man is unacceptable. Therefore, it's extremely important that you ask yourself why you would want to get involved with a committed man in the first place. There are tons of single and eligible men out there for you to get to know, and if you didn't know he was committed at first, then perhaps you should ask yourself if you would want to continue to get involved with a man who has lied to you about his status to begin with. But despite those, a lot of women are still drawn into this whirlwind of love, sex and deceit. And in due time, most of them end up with nothing while taking a heavy personal toll. Any woman can have her reasons for jumping into this kind of relationship but none of them excuse it, none of them make it right.

But let's not forget that "it takes two to tango", so why blame the other woman alone? Is she the only one at fault? Definitely not! After all, in most cases, she's not the one who's stepping out on an existing relationship. Generally, she's just in love with the man who happens to be attached to someone else. But then again, we must also remember that "one sin do not outweigh the other". So if you’re the other woman, don't feel you're less responsible for these actions, you're just as guilty! It’s unacceptable no matter how you look at or try to sugar coat it to make yourself feel better. Don’t try to justify your actions, correct them and remember that "what goes around, comes around". 

Needless to say, any man who is serious will close one door before opening another. So why will you give up what you believe for a guy who has made no commitment to you to begin with? Don't you want to be in a real loving relationship where you can fall asleep in the arms of the man that you love and wake up to him every morning? You know what I honestly think? That you will never ever find this man while you continue to be the other woman. Don’t give up your dignity for a little bit of intimacy. Don’t give up being alone and end up being lonely. You are worth more than this, Girl, that I am so certain of!

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